2023 Archives - Grace SOULutions

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Nurture Feelings)

May 29, 2023 // by Preston Test

During your ‘communication game’ has this ever happened to you?

You’re having a nice communication and then all of the sudden the mood suddenly changes?

The mood has changed because either another person joined the group, or something was said which totally changed the whole mood of the conversation.

If you resonate as being a sensitive, introverted, and a conflict-phobic person, then you’re likely able to sense the change in the mood of a person or the whole mood of a conversation.

However, the person you’re speaking with might not have that ‘special skill’ of sensing the change of the mood or the conversation.

Your communication partner may not even realize that the mood of the conversation had changed at all. They might continue to be oblivious as to what is going on until someone it blows off and walks out of the conversation altogether.

Some people don’t have what I call the ‘Spidey Senses’ of sensing when the mood of a person or conversation is turning from calm into stormy weather.

If there is sudden mood change in the person or of the conversation, you as a sensitive, introverted, and conflict-phobic person might feel that it was your fault that it changed or you might even be dumbstruck yourself as to what happened and why things changed in such a way.

The thing is… You can sense the change.

One minute you’re having a nice joyful, peaceful conversation, then something was said, and now someone is pissed off and the best way to describe it is that you’re heading into a horrible storm.

In the communication game, it’s important to be aware and keep track of the various feelings and moods within the conversation.

If the person you’re speaking with doesn’t have the ‘Spidey Senses’ to sense the change in the mood, then you can give some warnings like a weather reporter who gives warnings when bad storms are coming.

You can say something to the person who is oblivious to the mood change something like, “let’s change the subject”, or “let’s table this discussion for now and discuss it at a later time”, or “I didn’t like the last comment you just said so let’s take a break”.

It doesn’t matter if you have Spidey Senses or not. All it takes is everyone paying attention to the people they’re speaking with.

There are hints, they might be subtle hints, that someone is getting upset during the conversation, and to quit while you’re ahead so that you don’t have to enter into the storm cloud. And sometimes they can leave people thinking “if only you had paid attention…”

The subtle hints or warnings might’ve been a change in facial expression, body language, tone of voice, or even a direct comment to stop that was ignored.

Think about it…

The subtle changes could’ve been anything from a large smile to a small weak smile, open arm movements to folded arms across the stomach, or a change in tone of voice from friendly to a more serious tone that gives the vibe of “don’t push my buttons.“

There are some people that have a natural gift of nurturing feelings in conversation while others may learn the necessary skills to develop nurture feelings during conversation.

Sadly, there are others who might not care to nurture any feelings in conversations. These are the people who don’t care if they pissed people off by what they said.

The type of people who don’t care about nurturing feelings in conversation are the ones who only care about what they wanted to say in the first place and say it in exactly the way that they wanted to say it.

Those who do nurture feelings in conversation or pay attention to it are usually the sensitive type. The ones who can sense the room or the person’s feelings because the people who nurture feelings might feel they are responsible for everyone’s feelings during the conversation.

A nice balance when it comes to nurturing feelings in a conversation is to be aware of the other person’s feelings, but also to realize that you are not fully responsible for the other person’s feelings.

You might’ve said something that was picked up wrong, you apologized for the mistake, and if the other person continues to be upset, well it’s on that person, and not on you.

You did your best to remedy the situation by apologizing and held yourself accountable for the mistake made and you just need to let the person work through their emotions, and you don’t need to beat yourself up about it or hold on to the responsibility.

The truth is that the mood of the person or change of mood during a conversation can happen at any time.

It’s about doing your best to nurture feelings so that you can have a happy and harmonious relationship in your personal communication.

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you’re aware of nurturing feelings in your communication.

There are times that you might be able to sense the change in a person’s mood or the conversation and there are times you might miss it.

If you’ve managed to nurture feelings in your communication so that you were able to continue to have constructive communication… That’s a win!

If your communication changed because the person’s mood changed or the conversation changed from calm to stormy weather because you missed the changes that were happening during your communication, that’s okay. Guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be:

What can you do differently so that you can nurture feelings in your communication?
Why do you think you missed the changes that were occurring in the first place?
What can you do better next time?
What worked that you could continue to use?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into the authenticity of who you want to portray and have a good balance of holding yourself accountable when it comes to nurturing feelings in your communication.

This is the Communication Warrior.

You know your way to nurture feelings… Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

If you’re an introverted, sensitive, conflict-phobic person who would love to become and feel like a communication warrior then click below to book your free Communication Breakthrough Session where we will discover 5 obstacles that is stopping your from becoming a communication warrior.

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Coach & Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

GraceSOULutions Featured In New York Weekly

May 12, 2023 // by Preston Test

I’m so excited to have been featured in New York Weekly!

Here is a brief excerpt from the article:

In today’s fast-paced world, where communication has become more digital and impersonal, it’s easy to feel like nobody is listening. Misunderstandings and conflicts can arise due to poor communication skills, leading to strained relationships and even breakups. However, Grace CW Liu, the founder of GraceSOULutions, believes that healthy communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship.
Grace is a communication expert who understands that the words we use carry power and energy, but communication is more than just words. It’s also about body language and listening skills. According to Grace, effective communication is all about give and take. It’s about understanding and being understood. Grace’s philosophy is that there is a solution to every problem, and when those problems involve communication and conversation, you need grace.

You can read the full article here:

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Coach & Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Understanding is Broken)

April 28, 2023 // by Preston Test

When playing a game or sport, misunderstandings can happen at any time.

Any player can misunderstand the given instructions for playing the game or misunderstand an action to take during game play.

If misunderstandings can occur while playing a game or sport, then they certainly can also occur during a conversation or in communication!

Afterall, communication can feel like you’re playing a game.

Let’s talk about misunderstandings or: when there is a breakdown in understanding during a conversation.

For people who are sensitive, introverted, and conflict-phobic, misunderstandings can make you feel uncomfortable, making you feel as if it was your fault, or that what you said didn’t really matter to the person who you were speaking with.

The main thing that most sensitive, introverted, and conflict-phobic people would like to avoid is conflict or argument in their communication that could lead to creating disharmony in relationships.

The truth is, yes, misunderstandings can sometimes lead to conflict or even big arguments.

Let’s explore why misunderstandings occur.

There can be few reasons…

One of them is the delivery of the message.

Misunderstandings can easily occur if you delivered your message while the person was distracted or if there was a lot of background noise.

The person may have only received half or less of what you said depending upon how much the person heard due to distractions or the attention paid to what you said in the first place.

Another reason for misunderstanding might be due to dialect or foreign-born accent.

People who are not familiar with different dialects or hearing people speak with foreign accents might have a hard time understanding a person who speaks with a heavy dialect or accent.

This is my own personal example that I’m sharing. Growing up I became accustomed to hearing my parents and their friends speak with heavy Chinese accents because English is their second language.

My friends were not accustomed to hearing accents and had a hard time understanding my parents when they spoke English.

I remember this one time when my mom told my friend to ‘take the card’ (birthday card), except it sounded like ‘take the car’.

My friend was confused because she was 10 years old at the time and wasn’t old enough to have a license to drive a car so she said, ‘I can’t take your car.’

My mom insisted she take the card and my friend declined to take the car.

I was busy wrapping up the treats in the kitchen at the time and I could hear bits and pieces of the conversation that was going on in the living room.

I explained to my friend that my mom was telling her to take the card and not the car.

We had a good laugh at that misunderstanding because mom couldn’t understand why my friend didn’t want her birthday card and my friend couldn’t figure out why my mom wanted her to break the driving law.

Another reason for misunderstandings might be due to making assumptions.

Have you ever made assumptions about something that you heard and later found out that your assumptions were wrong?

Rather than making assumptions it’s a good rule of thumb to ask for clarification.

Don’t assume because you end up risking being wrong and creating misunderstandings.

If you aren’t careful, some assumptions can lead to disastrous misunderstandings and results.

This is why nurses call physicians or pharmacists when they’re not sure about a patient’s medications, ask for clarification, and then repeat it back. It’s to make sure that there is no misunderstanding with the patient’s medication in order to avoid severe consequences.

There are ways to help prevent misunderstandings or reduce the breakdown in your personal communication so that you can have happy and harmonious relationships when you communicate.

Just do the following:

Deliver your message in a quiet environment if possible and make sure you have the person’s attention when you deliver your message.

Be patient when listening to a foreign-born speaker with a heavy accent or someone with a heavy dialect. Slow down your rate of speech and kindly ask the person with the heavy accent to slow down rate of speech as well.

Don’t make assumptions. If you’re not sure, ask for clarification.

Misunderstandings may still occur, but at least you know some ways to maneuver around it if it happened.

It’s about doing your best to reduce the misunderstandings from occurring in your communication using the tools that you have been given.

Sometimes one of the best things you can do if misunderstanding did occur is to laugh it off when appropriate, or let it go. Avoid overthinking about it or being overly serious.

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you’re aware that misunderstandings can happen.

There are times that you might be able to avoid misunderstandings or gracefully maneuver around them.

If you managed to avoid or maneuver around misunderstandings so that you were able to continue to have constructive communication…That’s a win!

If you couldn’t avoid misunderstandings or repair a communication breakdown that occurred due to misunderstandings, that’s okay. Guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be:
-What can you do differently next time to avoid misunderstanding?
–Why do you think the misunderstanding occurred in the first place?
–What can you do better next time?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into the authenticity of the character you want to portray and hold yourself accountable to when misunderstanding occurs.

This is the Communication Warrior.

You know your way to repair misunderstandings… Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Coach & Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Movement AKA Body Language)

March 30, 2023 // by Preston Test

If you’re a sensitive introvert and conflict-phobic person you might be more aware and pay attention to details such to body language more than a person who is not sensitive, conflict-phobic and an extrovert.

With the communicates game, you are likely to notice the different facial and body movements of the people you’re playing the communicates game with because you’re using the facial and body movement to gage how the people in the group are feeling and if their body language aligned with what they were saying.

You would have noticed if they were having fun or if they were bored by their body language and facial expressions.

No one wants to be bored including you, and if everyone talked and acted stiff as a board, how boring would that be?

Let’s talk about facial and body movements or better known as body language, and see how people might be giving away how they are actually feeling and how you can use body language to communicate confidence if you’re feeling otherwise.

Your facial and body language may give away your secret or your actual feelings about a person or situation that you may be feeling on a subconscious level.

Sometimes your spoken words don’t match with your body language.

There are times that you might communicate what you actually feel about a person or situation, and you want that person to know so you can let your body language do the communicating for you.

There are maaaannnny facial and body movements so if I went through each and every one of them you’ll be reading this for unlimited hours.

In this blog, only a few body language items will be discussed to get you started and learn how your body language can help or hinder you to creating a happy and harmonious relationship in your personal communication.

First one of course is body posture.

How many times have you been told to stand up straight?

By standing up straight you automatically look like a confident person versus someone who is hunched over.

Strike a power pose and you look like one of the confident superheroes that you admired as a kid.

So why not admire yourself and strike a power pose?

On the flip side some people can take the power pose too far and end up taking up other people’s personal space because he or she admires him or herself so much that he or she don’t care or don’t see the other people in the room.

You might be that person and that’s okay if that is who you want to be.

If your body posture is hunched, you’re communicating either trying to blend in the background and not stand out or you have a bad back.

If you like to fidget such as fidget with your fingers, hair, or anything you can touch then you’re likely communicating that you’re feeling nervous, anxious, bored, or timid in the communication.

Let’s not forget about the eyes.

If you are able to make appropriate eye contact with the other person you’re speaking with then you’re likely communicating that your feeling confident.

If you avoid making any eye contact, then you’re likely either a shy communicator or someone who dislikes communicating.

Or how about the person who makes extreme eye contact as if staring that person down?

Has that ever happened to you?

Lastly, smile.

A smile can naturally brighten a room, brighten your face, and automatically makes you look like a confident and friendly person.

Would you feel more comfortable talking to a person with a smile on his or her face or a person with a frown or no smile at all?

If you chose the person with a smile, why wouldn’t it be the same way with other people you communicate with.

There isn’t necessary a right or wrong way for body language.

It’s about making others feel comfortable and sometimes your body language can make others feel uncomfortable such as lack of eye contact, too much of eye contact (staring), taking up personal space, and so forth.

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you’re aware of your body language and understand other people’s body language.

If you’re comfortable with your body language and feel that you know how you use your body language in your communication. That’s a win!

If you’re not comfortable with your body language or don’t feel you know how to appropriately use your body language in your communication, guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be what are your fears? Why do have these fears? What went well and want to keep? What didn’t go well that you want to change? What can you do better next time?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into your authenticity of the character you want to portray when you use the body language that communicate what you wanted and intended in your communication.

This is the Communication Warrior.

You know your way of body language…Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

Lets Play COMMUNICATES (Messages)

March 2, 2023 // by Preston Test

There are two components to messages.

The first component is the delivery of the message

The second component is the meaning in the message.

Let’s look at the first component, the delivery of the message.

The delivery of the message is how is the message delivered.

Is it delivered in a quiet setting or is it delivered in chaos with background noise and people rushing about?

The second component is the meaning in the message.

Meaning of the message is where you ask yourself, “Is there a hidden meaning in the message or not?”

Are you the type of communicator who gives a clear and strong message?

The type of person who communicates what he or she means and means what he or she says, and it’s all done with compassion?

Are you wishy washy with your message because you don’t want to offend anyone, so you choose to stand on one side and the opposing side making you look like you don’t have a strong stance on either side and therefore making you look wishy washy?

Do you deliver a strong message; however, the message you deliver has a hidden message behind it?

In a hidden message, the delivery of the message may sound like a compliment, but there is an undertone that states that the person who delivered the message is better than the person who received the message.

Here is an example of a hidden message, you’re told that the clothing item looks good, and it makes you look five pounds lighter.

The hidden message is that you’ve probably gained a few pounds and the clothing seemed to help with hiding some of the weight gain. The clothing item is definitely designed for people who want to look a little thinner than they actually are which is something that you need, but is not necessary for the other person who delivered the message.

Are you the type of communicator that decides what or how to deliver the message depending upon the situation or the person you are speaking with? You have the ability to know and when to shift when delivering your message.

There isn’t necessary a right or wrong way for the messages to be delivered or received.

It’s about making sure that the messages are understood and interpreted the way you meant for it to be interpreted.

If you want your message to be wishy washy, have a hidden message, or clear message that is all fine as long as that is how you want to deliver your message and you want your message to be interpreted as such.

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you deliver your message the way you wanted to and the message you delivered is understood the way you wanted it to.

If your message was not delivered, understood or interpreted the way you wanted to, guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be what stopped you from delivering your message the way you wanted to? what are your fears? Why do have these fears? What went well and want to keep? What didn’t go well that you want to change? What can you do better next time?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into your authenticity of the character you want to portray when delivering and speaking your message.

This is the Communication Warrior.

You know your way of messages…Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Overcoming Obstacles)

February 2, 2023 // by Preston Test

When playing any game, you will come across some obstacles or challenges to overcome.

Even in the game of life, there have been times that you had to overcome obstacles or challenges because if everything was smooth sailing (as much as we think we want this), we would become bored and restless.

Do you remember playing any obstacle course game where you had to do challenging activities as you went throughout the course?

Of course, if there are too many obstacles or challenges that come our way, we wouldn’t mind if something went right to help us breathe through life a little easier.

And so just like in the game of life where there are obstacles and challenges, it’s the same way with the Communicates Warrior Game.

Sometimes general communication or a conversation will go smoothly or go better than expected, and at one point or another you will have to overcome obstacles or challenges in your communication.

No one can or will escape obstacles including heads of state, CEOs, CFOs, department leaders, etc.

What you do and how you overcome obstacles is how you play the Communicates Warrior game.

You can overcome obstacles by running and hiding.

You can choose to use humor if appropriate.

You can scrap it and start over by pivoting or rephrasing or delivering your message through a different tone or angle.

You can overcome obstacles by holding your composure or show your fiery side.

The obstacles that can occur in communication usually have to do with one of these areas:

Sharing ideas
Sharing opinions (differing opinions)
Differing perceptions
Judgement
And words and messages given by an individual.

Are you going to be a confident communicator that openly shares your ideas, opinions and perceptions while choosing the right words and messages? Will you be inclusive or form questions so that the discussion can be constructive with little to no arguments?

Are you going to stand your ground, be open to listen and agree to disagree when necessary?

Are you going to be the communicator who shares your thoughts, opinions, and ideas without caring how it sounds or the way it was delivered, making your only concern being that you shared, and you looked like the strongest and best in the room?

Are you going to hold back on sharing your ideas, thoughts and opinions and just listen, observe, process, and then determine whether or not to share? Perhaps you are a bit afraid of creating or being in a conflict or argument.

Or are you going to be the who is not afraid of creating or being in arguments, but prefer to avoid it, if possible, but when necessary will not shy away from conflicts, but also know when to back down?

So, when faced with the communication obstacle such as sharing ideas, opinions, differing perceptions, and so forth…

How are you going to show up and deal with these communication obstacles?

As mentioned in the previous blog, there are no good or bad communication characters because they are all necessary and play an important role.

Sometimes you need to be the arrogant character because you are speaking with another arrogant speaker, and you want to hold your ground.

Sometimes it is necessary to be the timid speaker and just observe, hear, and process everything before jumping in or reacting too quickly.

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you deal with the obstacles in the way that you want to.

If you wanted to share your ideas, opinions, and perceptions and felt that you did it in the way that you wanted to then it’s a win.

If you wanted to share your ideas, opinions, and perceptions, but held back or felt that you didn’t do it in a way that you would have liked then guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this case might be why did you hold back? What are your fears? Why do have those fears? What went well and is worth keeping? What didn’t go well that you want to change? What can you do better next time?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into the authenticity of the character you want to portray when dealing with the obstacles in your communication.

This is the Communication Warrior.

You know your way of overcoming obstacles…

Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Choosing Your Character)

January 4, 2023 // by Preston Test

It’s very likely you’ve played a variety of games and sports growing up.

At times you might feel that you are playing a much larger game called ‘The Game of Life’.

In this game of life, you’ve experienced some wins and some losses. Sometimes it was easy, and sometimes you faced some challenging obstacles that you worked hard to overcome.

There were moments you were bored and some moments where you had great adventures that you can now cherish as memories. You might’ve learned and found that playing the game of life is all about trying to have fun, and not to take things too seriously at times.

However, in some games there is a game within a game.

Within a game of life there is a game that I call ‘COMMUNICATES: Becoming A Communication Warrior’ (or COMMUNICATES for short).

In COMMUNICATES there are 12 different components and objectives that you go through.

So, each month I will share each of the components and objectives to becoming a communication warrior.

—

Setting up the Game In COMMUNICATES

First, to start any game we need to know the characters.

C: Choose Your Character

When playing a game, you generally choose a character or game piece you want to play. Sometimes the character or game piece is chosen for you.

In this communication game you are the character, and you can choose how you want to play your character.

Sometimes due to the communication situation or the person you are speaking with, the character is chosen for you.

For example, perhaps you have in mind that you would like to be the confident speaker, but due to the conversation topic, situation or who you’re talking to, you have been put in the role of the timid character.

Depending on the communication situation and the other characters you interact with you can choose to be the peacemaker, negotiator, educator, the confident speaker, timid and shy, aggressor, and the list goes on.

And your specific role is chosen for you.

Just like in any game with pieces, there are no good or bad game pieces.

Therefore in the COMMUNICATES game there is no good or bad character.

All the characters are necessary and play an important part in communication. However, if you feel stuck playing a communication character that you don’t want to be, know that you can learn to shift out of that role.

For example, if you are usually shy and timid, feel stuck being shy and timid and would instead like to be a confident speaker, and don’t think you can or know how, know that you can shift out of the shy and timid communicator and be the confident speaker that you wish to be by being open-minded and be willing to have a growth mindset.

The first place to start is to think of a confident speaker you admire and start to mimic various gestures, words, and tonality that the speaker uses.

You are not going to copy the speaker you admire, but you can certainly borrow their gestures, words, and tone making them your own to help build your confidence.

If you’re not good at negotiating and would like to become a better negotiator, then you can follow some people who are good at negotiating or read books about it so you can start to emulate some of the words and actions to make them your own so you can then start becoming a better negotiator.

The point is that some people may have been born being able to speak confidently or be great negotiators, peacemakers or storytellers. Others became better at speaking confidently, negotiating, peacemaking, storytelling, etc. through coaching, practice, following some of the people they admire and borrowing from what they saw and learned.

The Communication Warrior did not happen overnight, but it did happen over time.

Whether you specifically chose the communication character or not, you can choose how you want to portray said character in your communication.

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you portray who you want to portray and you’re happy with the outcome.

In other words, if you are in a meeting and you want to portray a confident speaker who speaks up for your opinions, ideas, and confidently shares your thoughts with others in the room without worrying what they think, you can. If you feel you have succeeded in what you wanted to accomplish, then that is a win.

If you held back and wished you might have done some things differently, but overall felt good about it then it’s still a win.

If you totally held back, lost your nerve, and kept your opinions and ideas to yourself even though you wanted to share but were too afraid to, well guess what?

You learned without losing.

I should point out that in the communication game there’s winning and there’s learning (no losing in this game).

Learning points in this example might be why did you hold back? What are your fears? Why do have these fears? What can you do next time? What can you change?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into the authenticity of the character you want to portray in your communication.

This is the Communication Warrior.

In the early part of the objective, you might have been timid and shy and wanted to change so you made a decision to stand up tall and straight, then you started to climb up the mountain by studying and practicing and you finally reached the mountain to become the Communication Warrior. The Communication Warrior communicates authentically their thoughts, feelings, and desires without feeling overwhelmed, overshadowed and overlooked.

You know your character…

Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

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