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Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Styles)

Everyone has their own clothing and fashion style. This fashion style makes the person feel good and they are comfortable with it. The same can be said for communication style.

Likewise, everyone has their own communication style that they are is comfortable with. And in that vein, there is no right or wrong fashion style, or communication style, because these are personal choices.

There are a lot of different fashion and fashion trends and styles out there. There are some basic fashion items that make sense for people to have in their closet such as a black dress for women, a black or blue suit for men, a nice blouse, jeans, blazer, and nice casual dress shoes.

Four basic communication styles that you should know about to establish and cultivate rapport in your communication are:

auditory (hear, listen),
visual (see, picture),
kinesthetic (feel, touch),
auditory digital (think, analyze).

In fashion, beyond the basic clothing items, you have some people who go forward with trends or who follow other people’s fashion beyond the basic clothing fundamentals.

Why? Because in some cases they’ve been told that more is better and that you can be more creative when you have more.

Perhaps they’ve also been told that some of their fashion items made them look old or “old-fashioned.”

Rather than wearing what they wanted they followed the trend which made them feel more like someone else and not themselves.

After a while they’ve become someone else, someone they no longer recognize, and perhaps wished they could be themselves and have a desire to wear clothes that represent more of themselves.

Honestly, it’s not necessary to have more than the basic clothing that is needed to go out and do your daily activities.

It’s just nice to have additional clothing in your closet to some flair and fun.

Communication can be the same way.

You might have a way within your own style of communication, however, you’ve been told you can’t communicate this or that way.

You’ve learned to adopt a certain way to communicate that fits more with the “norm” of what is expected in society when communicating in that situation.

You might feel like you’re wearing a mask rather than being your authentic self.

For example, when at a social gathering with friends in a restaurant or at an event, it’s expected that people are smiling, having polite conversations, nice, pleasant small talks, and speaking for the most part at an appropriate volume.

What if you’re an introvert at a social gathering with your friends?

Does all the smiling and small talk made you feel like you’re wearing a mask?

Behind the mask of smiling and participating and engaging in the small talk leaves you feeling drained and as though you’re ready to leave. However, you can’t leave in this case because you’ve only been at the gathering for 10 minutes! All you want to do is find a corner and hide so that you can finally stop smiling and have some quiet time to yourself to recharge so that you don’t drain your battery with all the small talk. You might decide this is a good time to go to the bathroom so you can hide in one of the stalls for a while. Nope, you talked to people along the way into the bathroom, by the sink in the bathroom, along the way back to the main room, and again in the main room. You might’ve had a good three minutes to yourself which is not enough time for an introvert. Plus, you know that no one really cared about what you thought about the weather in the first place.

Do you wish you could just take off your mask and say, “you know, my face is getting really tired from all this smiling, and I know you’re being polite, and you really don’t care what I think about xyz… I really am interested to know how you’re feeling that’s why I asked, but you’re just asking me out of politeness.”

Not all introverts may feel the way I just described since not all introverts are the same.

There might be some similarities, but still, each has his or her own individual style.

Extroverts and ambiverts will have their similarities, and each will have their own communication style as an extrovert and ambivert.

It’s about finding your own style, being comfortable with your style, and finding a way to communicate with your style.

The example I gave about the introvert, wearing the mask, and the feeling behind the mask, you guessed it: It was me.

I no longer wear my mask. I tell people upfront, I’m an introvert which means I need some down time to recharge my battery. I smile and make small talk, and I also let people know that as much as I like talking to them, it’s time for me to recharge my energy because that’s what this introvert needs to do.

By making it lighthearted and fun, the person knows that it’s about my energy and not about them.

Once I embraced and understood what it meant to be an introvert for me, then I could communicate using my humorous communication style to communicate to other people it’s time for me to recharge without having to pretend or wear a mask of consistently smiling and engaging in small talk that drained my energy.

As an introvert, I like to use humorous communication style to get by.

You might be an introvert, but your style might be practical, or avoidance.

There are many communication styles and again it can be different for each of the introverts, extroverts, and ambiverts.

It’s easy to know, understand, and recognize the basic communication styles that I mentioned earlier in this blog so that is where I recommend starting first.

If you know and understand your own basic communication style, then you can start to recognize your partner’s basic communication style to continue cultivating rapport in your communication with your partner so that you have a happy and harmonious relationship.

The other communication styles are good to know, might help you to become creative with your communication, but it’s not completely necessary to help you to cultivate a rapport in your communication with your partner.

 

There are many different communication styles, and start with recognizing, understanding, and knowing the four basic communication styles.

It’s about using the communication style that will support and cultivate rapport with your communication partner so that you can continue to have a happy and harmonious personal relationship with your partner.

There might be similarities between introverts, extroverts, and ambiverts; however, each introvert, extrovert, and ambivert has his or her own unique communication style.

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you’re aware of the four basic communication styles and that there are similarities between introverts, extrovert, and ambiverts; however, each introvert, extrovert, and ambivert has his or her own unique communication style.

There are many communication styles; however, knowing the four basic communication styles is a good start to establish and cultivate rapport with your communication partner.

If you used the communication style that supported you and your partner to establish and cultivate rapport in your communication so that you and your partner felt seen and heard… That’s a win!

If you didn’t use the communication style or know which communication style to use that would have better supported or cultivated rapport with your partner, that’s okay. Guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be:

  • What can you do differently next time to establish or cultivate rapport?
  • What patterns of words do you notice that you use, and your partner uses that would best represent one of the four basic communication styles?
  • What can you do better next time?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into your authenticity of the character you want to portray and hold yourself accountable with using the communication style that would establish and cultivate rapport with your partner in your communication.

This is the Communication Warrior.

You know your way around the four basic communication styles… Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

If you’re an introverted, sensitive, conflict-phobic person who would love to become and feel like a Communication Warrior then click below to book your free Communication Breakthrough Session where we will discover 5 obstacles that are stopping your from becoming a Communication Warrior.

Book Your Session

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Coach & Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Express Yourself)

There are many different ways that you can communicate your thoughts, feelings, and desires.

One of the ways is through body language and facial expression (which I wrote about in one of my previous blog posts). The majority of the blog articles I have written have had to do with verbal expression in communication. This mainly refers to spoken words and tone of voice.

For some of you, you might find it easier to express yourself through written expression or perhaps through artistic expression. You might find that it’s easier for you to gain more clarity of what you’re thinking, feeling, and wanting through drawing, painting, dancing, playing or listening to music, or journaling.

You also might find that before you verbally express your thoughts, feelings, or desires to your partner that you first need to process and gain clarity on what exactly it is that you’re thinking, feeling, and wanting.

Using some of the modalities (again, such as drawing, dancing, journaling) might help you to process what you’re feeling and help you figure out on the best way to communicate your feelings and what it is you really want from your partner.

Sometimes you might not be able to put it down into words or find the right way to describe or communicate what it is you want to express. This is when artistic expression may come in handy. This could be things such as: drawing an abstract picture of what you’re feeling, dancing to the mood of the music you’re feeling drawn to, or just writing any words that comes to your mind into a notebook journal.

First you need to have clarity on what it is your thinking, feeling, and wanting. Then you can better communicate that to your partner.

If you’re feeling confused and muddled as to your own thoughts, feelings, and desires and you can’t even communicate them clearly to yourself, then how you’re going to communicate clearly to your partner so that they can understand you?

Artistic expression can help you to process and understand yourself first so that you know what it is that you want to communicate to your partner so that you can get the support you want from them.

When you can openly, honestly, and clearly communicate your thoughts, feelings, and desires to your partner then you will feel supported and that will nurture a happy and harmonious relationship.

It’s also up to you if you would rather directly show your artistic expression to your partner as a way to communicate to them. Artistic expression can be incredibly personalized so it’s entirely up to you what and how you choose to share.

For some of you, you might find it easier to communicate your thoughts, feelings, and desires through a written expression such as writing a letter.

You might choose to write a letter to your partner to tell him or her what you’re deeply thinking, feeling, and wanting because you might find it easier to communicate it this way instead of outright saying it.

You might be asking “is there a tone of voice through written expression? Is it just as effective as when speaking out loud?” The answer is yes to both.

There is a tone of voice in written expression through the words and sentences you put into the letter, the pressure of your writing the individual characters and how you craft the sentences, and where you choose to place emphasis in your letter. Writing a letter to communicate your thoughts, feelings, and desires can end up being just as effective as verbal communication.

Perhaps in some situations you might find it easier to openly and honestly communicate your thoughts, feelings, and desires in the letter format or through any number of written expression formats rather than straight verbal expression because you’re afraid to see your partner’s reaction.

Sometimes by allowing time to process the information (such as reading a letter), and then discussing it afterwards when everyone has had time to process their own feelings may make it easier to have constructive conversation about what was written to discuss it further.

There are so many different ways to communicate. It’s ultimately about you choosing the modality to express yourself (whether that be through verbal, written or artistic) so that you can openly and honestly communicate using what you have chosen in order to clearly communicate with your partner.

Sometimes you may choose to use just one or a combination of artistic expression methods to help you to gain clarity on your own thoughts, feelings, and desires so that you know exactly what it is you want to communicate.

Your goal is to have it so your partner could clearly hear and understand what it was you communicated to him or her because you were clear about your own thoughts, feelings, and desires.

 

 

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you’re able to communicate your thoughts, feelings, and desires clearly, openly, and honestly.

There are times that you might not feel you’re able to clearly, openly, and honestly communicate your thoughts, feelings, and desires through verbal expression.

You might instead be able to clearly, openly, and honestly communicate your thoughts, feelings, and desires through other means of communication such as written or artistic expression.

If you managed to clearly, openly, and honestly communicate your thoughts, feelings, and desires using verbal, written, or artistic expression to communicate with your partner without fear of argument or criticism…That’s a win!

If you couldn’t clearly, openly and honestly communicate with your partner with using any of the communication modalities, that’s okay. Guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be:

  • What can you do differently next time or what communication modality can you use next time so that you can communicate more clearly, openly, and honestly?
  • Why do you think you held yourself back from being able to communicate more clearly, openly, and honestly?
  • What can you do better next time?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into your authenticity of the character you want to portray and hold yourself accountable when expressing yourself.

This is the Communication Warrior.

You know your way to express yourself… Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

If you’re an introverted, sensitive, conflict-phobic person who would love to become and feel like a Communication Warrior then click below to book your free Communication Breakthrough Session where we will discover 5 obstacles that are stopping your from becoming a Communication Warrior.

Book Your Session

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Coach & Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Tone of Voice)

Do certain noises or sounds make you happy while other noises or sounds can annoy you?

What do you feel when you hear an ice cream van? Happy or perhaps nostalgic.

What about a siren? Most likely annoyed by the loud sound of a siren.

Your tone of voice can be the same way.

Some tones of voice may make you feel happy and supported while other tones of voice may negatively trigger you.

Have you ever heard someone say to you, you better watch your tone of voice or don’t give me that tone of voice?

Or perhaps you have said those exact statements to your partner.

Why?

Because the tone of voice somehow triggered you.

Perhaps your partner said something to you in passing and because of his or her tone of voice, you picked it up wrong and say something like, what’s wrong with you, why you’re using that tone of voice with me?

Or what’s with that tone of voice you just used?

Your partner might not have meant anything by it, but because of his or her tone of voice, it just set something off in you like a firecracker or vice versa.

Tone of voice can be subjective, and the tone might sound one way to one person it can sound completely different to another person.

For example, a happy uplifting tone can sound like you’re being cheered on by one person where to another person it might sound as if he or she is being mocked.

Mocked for not being able to do something, the uplifting tone is just to rubbing it in that he or she can’t do it, and it’s a fake cheer rather than an actual genuine cheer or support.

To the person who feels he or she is being mocked the person with the happy and uplifting tone is actually being sincere; however, his or her tone of voice is picked up wrong by the person feeling mocked.

Some people are sensitive to the tone of voice.

He or she is sensitive to how the tone of voice sounds because he or she is sensing the person’s mood and the true feeling behind the statement that delivered.

Some people are not bothered by an aggressive tone or sarcastic tone, and others can be.

If you’re a sensitive, introverted, and conflict-phobic person, then some tone of voice may bother you or you may be more sensitive to some tones of voice than others such as you might be more sensitive and bothered by an aggressive tone versus calming tone.

For some people a calming tone may sound like the person is bored or don’t have any emotions.

Everyone might agree with what an aggressive tone may sound like, a happy tone, a sad tone, or calming tone, etc.

However, not everyone is going to agree that that’s the tone that the person used and not everyone is going to be comfortable or be accepting of a tone of voice that was used.

Knowing what tone of voice, you’re comfortable with and the ones that trigger you the wrong way will help you to communicate to your partner which tones of voice to use more often when communicating with you so that you feel supported by your partner rather than leaving you feeling lonely and misunderstood.

Also, knowing the tone of voice that you use that uplifts or triggers your partner will help you to use more of the tone of voice that uplifts rather than triggers your partner so that you can have a happy and harmonious relationship.

 

Tone of voice is subjective. You might be okay with some tones of voice and other tones of voice might trigger you and the same can be said for your partner.

It’s about being aware of your tone of voice and knowing which tones of voice uplifts you and which one triggers you as well as knowing which one uplifts and triggers your partner.

Using the tone of voice that uplifts and supports you and your partner when communicating so that you and your partner both feel supported when communicating with each other for a better and deeper personal relationship.

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you’re aware that tone of voice can be subjective.

Knowing and using the tone of voice that uplifts you and your partner when communicating to form a better connection.

Avoid using the tone of voice that triggers you and your partner.

If you managed to use the tone of voice that uplifts you and your partner to form a closer connection…That’s a win!

If you and your partner sometimes used the tone of voice that triggered rather than uplifted each other in your communication, that’s okay. Guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be what can you do differently next time to use the tone of voice that will uplift or show support for your partner? Why do you think the tone of voice you used or your partner used triggered you or your partner? What can you do better next time?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into your authenticity of the character you want to portray and hold yourself accountable with the tone of voice you used in your communication.

This is the Communication Warrior.

You know your way to your tone of voice… Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

If you’re an introverted, sensitive, conflict-phobic person who would love to become and feel like a communication warrior then click below to book your free Communication Breakthrough Session where we will discover 5 obstacles that is stopping your from becoming a communication warrior.

Book Your Session

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Coach & Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Awareness of Words and Actions)

Sometimes you can become upset, even overwhelmingly so, that you might not be aware of your actions.

You might not even be aware of the words that are coming out of your mouth.

You know you’re angry and upset, and your expression shows it.

How aware are you of what you’re saying and acting during the moment of anger?

Do you later regret your actions and what’ve you said during the heat of the moment?

Do you wonder what you did or said while you were upset?

You might’ve felt like it was an out of body experience and something, maybe some kind of energy took over you, and you felt like you had no control over your mind and body.

You just acted out and said what you said because you were just that angry and you just let whatever came to your brain fly out.

What if you stopped for a moment and took a good look at your actions and words as if you were an outsider observing your situation?

If you were the observer, what would you think or say about the situation you just observed of someone yelling, hitting, swearing, etc. during the heat of the moment?

Would it scare you or would you think “if it was me, I would do xyz?”

It’s easy to say what you would do differently when you’re calm and not in that moment. But what if you were in that moment?

Could you stop yourself and take a pause so that you didn’t continue the destructive path?

Could you say to yourself, “no, enough of this, we can disagree and have a constructive conversation through our disagreement?”

What would a constructive conversation during a heated disagreement look like?

How could you have that constructive conversation during a dispute when you’re upset and angry?

Afterall, this is real life and you’re not on some tv show where the scripts are written out and you memorize the lines during an argument.

There are, however, some things you can do.

Yes, I’m well aware of what I’m going to share with you will sound easy. But it may feel hard to do especially when you’re upset and angry.

It’s easy to give advice, and to follow suggestions when you’re calm and not involved in the moment.

This is where awareness becomes important. When you’re aware you can take control of the situation before the situation takes control of you.

The first thing is to be aware of your mind and body. Be aware of your thoughts and how your body is feeling.

Be aware of when you know you’re going to explode and stop yourself by taking a deep breath.

Now take a few more deep breaths.

This is the challenging part; however, remember that you’re in control.

While the other person might be speaking or yelling, restrain yourself from reacting, and continue to take deep breaths until you’re in enough control to address the situation.

Actively notice what you’re noticing, be aware of your surroundings, and the feelings in your body.

The next tricky part: you’re not going to react, you’re going to respond by being mindful of the words that you say.

The words are deliberate and you know exactly what you’re saying with conscious thought.

You’re no longer saying the first thing that comes out of your brain.

You’re being mindful of exactly what you’re saying to express your feelings, and you have the awareness of the way you’re delivering the message with the use of your body language, facial expression, and tone of voice.

You’re in control of the situation through the awareness of the words you’re saying and how you’re saying it with the use of your body language, facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice during the argument.

When the situation or argument is controlling you, you lose your awareness, and that is when you say whatever comes out of your mouth, and act and behave whatever reflexively comes to you.

 

 

Do you want to be in control, or do you want the situation and argument to control you?

 

The take away here is to be aware of your words and actions so that you’re in control of the situation or argument and not the other way around.

I’m not going to say that it is easy to do; however, it can be done with practice.

Practice being mindful of your words and actions during any conversation whether it be while you’re calm or in an argument with your partner is the start to awareness.

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you’re aware of your words and actions especially during the heat of an argument.

There are times where the situation or argument might get the best of you; however, were able to stop it or reduce the destructive conversation?

If you managed to control the situation and argument through awareness of your words and actions… That’s a win!

If you allowed moments of the situation or argument getting the best of you, and controlled you rather than you controlling it, then guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be:

  • What can you do differently next time so that you can control the situation or argument through awareness?
  • Why did you lose control of your words or anger in the first place?
  • What can you do better so that you’re more aware of your words and actions during an argument next time?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into your authenticity of the character you want to portray and hold yourself accountable when you want to be in control of the situation or argument and not the other way around.

This is the Communication Warrior.

 

You know your way to becoming aware of your words and actions… Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

If you’re an introverted, sensitive, conflict-phobic person who would love to become and feel like a communication warrior then click below to book your free Communication Breakthrough Session where we will discover 5 obstacles that is stopping your from becoming a communication warrior.

Book Your Session

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Coach & Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Choose Your Path)

Everyone has a certain path or journey that he or she is traveling on during his or her lifetime.

Including you.

As you travel on your path during your journey, choices or opportunities will be presented to you.

You will look at your opportunities and choices and decide the one that is best for you at that moment.

Sometimes the choices you make (or want to make) may not make sense to the people you have relationships with.

I will share with you, my story.

When I decided and chose to be an entrepreneur or solopreneur, my husband couldn’t understand why I would go down this path when I had a steady job as a speech-language pathologist.

I earned a good income working in hospitals and as a travel therapist.

I wanted time, money, and freedom and chose a path where I could dictate my own time and money.

I couldn’t see myself having time and money freedom if I continued to work as a speech-language pathologist.

I can honestly tell you that my husband didn’t like my decision in choosing to be a solopreneur and giving up a steady income; however, that is the path I have chosen, and I have stuck with it.

Is it stubbornness on my part? Perhaps.

Is it that I believe in myself and believe that I can do it and succeed as a solopreneur? Absolutely!

My husband is supportive with what I am doing and working on, and he does his best to show his support.

I am more of a risk taker than my husband, if you can’t tell already.

I appreciate him doing his best to show his support even if he might not agree with my choice or decision.

Sometimes that will happen. Either you’ll make the choice that your partner doesn’t agree with or vice versa.

Here’s the thing.

Your partner can still support you and show their support even if they doesn’t agree with you and vice versa.

If you want to have a happy and harmonious relationship, then you are going to have to allow the person to make certain choices or decisions for themselves that differ from yours.

You want to be able to communicate your thoughts of choices or decisions you want to make for yourselves. That will benefit you and your partner.

Likewise, you want your partner to feel like they can communicate to you their thoughts about choices or decisions they want to make to better your lives together.

Sometimes your partner (or you) may not be comfortable with the choice or decision that is presented because of fear.

Fear of failure, fear of money (lack of money), fear of (fill-in-the-blank), and what-ifs (something bad happens).

Fear is good at keeping people and you at status quo.

When you follow your heart and do what you love, then you’ll be able to conquer your fear.

Afterall there is a saying, “Love can conquer fear.”

I’m not going to say that you won’t encounter obstacles and challenges along the way because you will.

I’ve had encountered my fair share of challenges and obstacles along my journey.

What I will say is that you’ll be able to overcome your obstacles and challenges because everything is figureoutable.

That I know from my own personal experience.

I would also like to add that…

Choose Your Path can also mean that you are choosing activities that will benefit your relationship with your partner such as choosing the way you communicate so that you can have more constructive conversations rather than destructive conversations with your partner.

Choosing to be aware of the way you communicate and how you communicate with your partner, choices or decisions will be presented to you during your lifetime and you want to be able to communicate your choices or decisions with your partner.

Your partner should also feel like they can communicate their choices or decisions with you.

The choices or decisions may be presented to the individual; however, the choice or decision made may impact the relationship.

Likely the choice or decision made will be the one that would benefit the relationship.

It’s about choosing the path, being able to discuss your choices and decisions. Having that support even if the person disagrees with you.

Also, choosing to have constructive conversations rather than destructive conversations when discussing choices or decisions.

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you allow the person to make the choice or decision that is best for him or her and give support even if you don’t agree.

The choice or decision made will benefit the relationship rather than hinder the relationship.

If you managed to openly communicate your thoughts and the choices or decisions you’re making, and your partner supports you even if he or she might not agree with you…That’s a win!

If you and your partner couldn’t openly communicate thoughts, and the choices or decisions because of fear, that’s okay. Guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be:

  • What can you do differently next time so that you can share your thoughts and choices while asking for support?
  • What are the fears towards the choices or decisions?
  • Why do you have these fears?
  • What can you do to have constructive conversation when sharing your choices or decisions when partner doesn’t or might not agree with you?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into your authenticity of the character you want to portray and hold yourself accountable when making the choice or decision that will be best for you and that will benefit you and your partner.

This is the Communication Warrior.

You know your way to choose your path… Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

If you’re an introverted, sensitive, conflict-phobic person who would love to become and feel like a communication warrior then click below to book your free Communication Breakthrough Session where we will discover 5 obstacles that is stopping your from becoming a communication warrior.

Book Your Session

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Coach & Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Inspiration)

It doesn’t matter if you’re playing an actual board game, sports, the game of life, or a communication game, who doesn’t want to be inspired or want to inspire?

The definition of inspire means “to make someone feel that they want to do something and can do it”.

You can have a fun and constructive communication with your partner so that you can have a happy and harmonious relationship.

You and your partner can inspire each other to have constructive communication where you can openly communicate your thoughts, feelings, and desires without argument and criticism so that you’re feeling heard and understood.

Relationships are like a garden. Communication is part of that garden.

In order to have a beautiful and plentiful garden you need to tend to it and relationships are the same way.

In your garden you might plant some flowers and vegetables like roses and tomatoes.

The flowers and vegetables grow when they have been properly taken care of such as getting rid of weeds or pests.

It’s the same way with your relationships. For you to create a happy and harmonious relationship you need to cultivate your communication by getting rid of destructive communication.

You can cultivate a fun and constructive communication by being open-minded, willing to listen without judgement, throwing in some humor when appropriate, being supportive, and be inspired or inspire your partner.

You can inspire each other to have a happy and harmonious relationship by cultivating your communication so that it continues to grow and maintain good health.

The truth is that if you don’t cultivate (and continue to cultivate) your communication, then, like weeds that grow in the garden that can kill your flowers and vegetables, destructive communication can cause massive problems.

Destructive communication can smother and kill your relationships.

When communication is destructive with an abundance of arguments, criticism, an unwillingness to listen, this leads to a path of unwillingness to communicate. And when partners no longer want or think they can communicate with each other, then the relationship will deteriorate.

You can choose whether or not you want a happy and harmonious relationship. If you do then one of the important parts to having a happy and harmonious relationship is being able to communicate with one another.

That is the inspiration of cultivating constructive communication.

The truth is that you do have to work on cultivating your communication if you want to grow and have a happy and harmonious personal relationship.

Cultivating your communication doesn’t have to be hard work if you consistently work on it.

Just think of your relationship as your garden and the communication as your plant, flower, or vegetable.

If you want a beautiful relationship like your garden, then you’re going to work on getting rid of destructive communication which is like your weeds in your garden for your communication to grow in a constructive way so that you can continue to have a beautiful relationship with your partner.

You and your partner are inspired and inspire each other to grow your beautiful relationship together by cultivating your communication by removing the weeds of destructive communication so that you can maintain healthy constructive communication no matter the topic of conversation.

 

 

Yes, you’re going to need to work on and continue to work on your communication for you to have a happy and harmonious relationship. It’s just like your garden.

It’s about doing your best to inspire and cultivate constructive communication so that you can have a happy and harmonious relationship in your personal communication.

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you’re inspired, and you’ve inspired your partner to have constructive communication that supports a happy and harmonious relationship.

There are times that you might still have disagreements, and you and your partner know how to handle it so that it doesn’t lead to destructive communication.

If you managed to inspire communication that you were able to continue to have constructive communication… That’s a win!

If you still have destructive communication at times, and you’re unable to figure out how to change the communication pattern during the heat of your communication, that’s okay. Guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be:

  • What can you do differently so that you can create more constructive communication?
  • Why do you think and feel that destructive communication is occurring in the first place?
  • What can you do better next time?
  • What worked that you could continue to use?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into your authenticity of who you want to portray and have a good balance of holding yourself accountable when it comes to inspiring yourself to cultivate communication in your personal relationship.

This is the Communication Warrior.

 

You know your way of inspiration… Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

If you’re an introverted, sensitive, conflict-phobic person who would love to become and feel like a communication warrior then click below to book your free Communication Breakthrough Session where we will discover 5 obstacles that is stopping your from becoming a communication warrior.

Book Your Session

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Coach & Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Nurture Feelings)

During your ‘communication game’ has this ever happened to you?

You’re having a nice communication and then all of the sudden the mood suddenly changes?

The mood has changed because either another person joined the group, or something was said which totally changed the whole mood of the conversation.

If you resonate as being a sensitive, introverted, and a conflict-phobic person, then you’re likely able to sense the change in the mood of a person or the whole mood of a conversation.

However, the person you’re speaking with might not have that ‘special skill’ of sensing the change of the mood or the conversation.

Your communication partner may not even realize that the mood of the conversation had changed at all. They might continue to be oblivious as to what is going on until someone it blows off and walks out of the conversation altogether.

Some people don’t have what I call the ‘Spidey Senses’ of sensing when the mood of a person or conversation is turning from calm into stormy weather.

If there is sudden mood change in the person or of the conversation, you as a sensitive, introverted, and conflict-phobic person might feel that it was your fault that it changed or you might even be dumbstruck yourself as to what happened and why things changed in such a way.

The thing is… You can sense the change.

One minute you’re having a nice joyful, peaceful conversation, then something was said, and now someone is pissed off and the best way to describe it is that you’re heading into a horrible storm.

In the communication game, it’s important to be aware and keep track of the various feelings and moods within the conversation.

If the person you’re speaking with doesn’t have the ‘Spidey Senses’ to sense the change in the mood, then you can give some warnings like a weather reporter who gives warnings when bad storms are coming.

You can say something to the person who is oblivious to the mood change something like, “let’s change the subject”, or “let’s table this discussion for now and discuss it at a later time”, or “I didn’t like the last comment you just said so let’s take a break”.

It doesn’t matter if you have Spidey Senses or not. All it takes is everyone paying attention to the people they’re speaking with.

There are hints, they might be subtle hints, that someone is getting upset during the conversation, and to quit while you’re ahead so that you don’t have to enter into the storm cloud. And sometimes they can leave people thinking “if only you had paid attention…”

The subtle hints or warnings might’ve been a change in facial expression, body language, tone of voice, or even a direct comment to stop that was ignored.

Think about it…

 

The subtle changes could’ve been anything from a large smile to a small weak smile, open arm movements to folded arms across the stomach, or a change in tone of voice from friendly to a more serious tone that gives the vibe of “don’t push my buttons.“

There are some people that have a natural gift of nurturing feelings in conversation while others may learn the necessary skills to develop nurture feelings during conversation.

Sadly, there are others who might not care to nurture any feelings in conversations. These are the people who don’t care if they pissed people off by what they said.

The type of people who don’t care about nurturing feelings in conversation are the ones who only care about what they wanted to say in the first place and say it in exactly the way that they wanted to say it.

Those who do nurture feelings in conversation or pay attention to it are usually the sensitive type. The ones who can sense the room or the person’s feelings because the people who nurture feelings might feel they are responsible for everyone’s feelings during the conversation.

A nice balance when it comes to nurturing feelings in a conversation is to be aware of the other person’s feelings, but also to realize that you are not fully responsible for the other person’s feelings.

You might’ve said something that was picked up wrong, you apologized for the mistake, and if the other person continues to be upset, well it’s on that person, and not on you.

You did your best to remedy the situation by apologizing and held yourself accountable for the mistake made and you just need to let the person work through their emotions, and you don’t need to beat yourself up about it or hold on to the responsibility.

 

The truth is that the mood of the person or change of mood during a conversation can happen at any time.

It’s about doing your best to nurture feelings so that you can have a happy and harmonious relationship in your personal communication.

 

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you’re aware of nurturing feelings in your communication.

There are times that you might be able to sense the change in a person’s mood or the conversation and there are times you might miss it.

If you’ve managed to nurture feelings in your communication so that you were able to continue to have constructive communication… That’s a win!

If your communication changed because the person’s mood changed or the conversation changed from calm to stormy weather because you missed the changes that were happening during your communication, that’s okay. Guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be:

  • What can you do differently so that you can nurture feelings in your communication?
  • Why do you think you missed the changes that were occurring in the first place?
  • What can you do better next time?
  • What worked that you could continue to use?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into the authenticity of who you want to portray and have a good balance of holding yourself accountable when it comes to nurturing feelings in your communication.

This is the Communication Warrior.

 

You know your way to nurture feelings… Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

If you’re an introverted, sensitive, conflict-phobic person who would love to become and feel like a communication warrior then click below to book your free Communication Breakthrough Session where we will discover 5 obstacles that is stopping your from becoming a communication warrior.

Book Your Session

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Coach & Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Understanding is Broken)

When playing a game or sport, misunderstandings can happen at any time.

Any player can misunderstand the given instructions for playing the game or misunderstand an action to take during game play.

If misunderstandings can occur while playing a game or sport, then they certainly can also occur during a conversation or in communication!

Afterall, communication can feel like you’re playing a game.

Let’s talk about misunderstandings or: when there is a breakdown in understanding during a conversation.

For people who are sensitive, introverted, and conflict-phobic, misunderstandings can make you feel uncomfortable, making you feel as if it was your fault, or that what you said didn’t really matter to the person who you were speaking with.

The main thing that most sensitive, introverted, and conflict-phobic people would like to avoid is conflict or argument in their communication that could lead to creating disharmony in relationships.

The truth is, yes, misunderstandings can sometimes lead to conflict or even big arguments.

Let’s explore why misunderstandings occur.

There can be few reasons…

One of them is the delivery of the message.

Misunderstandings can easily occur if you delivered your message while the person was distracted or if there was a lot of background noise.

The person may have only received half or less of what you said depending upon how much the person heard due to distractions or the attention paid to what you said in the first place.

Another reason for misunderstanding might be due to dialect or foreign-born accent.

People who are not familiar with different dialects or hearing people speak with foreign accents might have a hard time understanding a person who speaks with a heavy dialect or accent.

This is my own personal example that I’m sharing. Growing up I became accustomed to hearing my parents and their friends speak with heavy Chinese accents because English is their second language.

My friends were not accustomed to hearing accents and had a hard time understanding my parents when they spoke English.

I remember this one time when my mom told my friend to ‘take the card’ (birthday card), except it sounded like ‘take the car’.

My friend was confused because she was 10 years old at the time and wasn’t old enough to have a license to drive a car so she said, ‘I can’t take your car.’

My mom insisted she take the card and my friend declined to take the car.

I was busy wrapping up the treats in the kitchen at the time and I could hear bits and pieces of the conversation that was going on in the living room.

I explained to my friend that my mom was telling her to take the card and not the car.

We had a good laugh at that misunderstanding because mom couldn’t understand why my friend didn’t want her birthday card and my friend couldn’t figure out why my mom wanted her to break the driving law.

Another reason for misunderstandings might be due to making assumptions.

Have you ever made assumptions about something that you heard and later found out that your assumptions were wrong?

Rather than making assumptions it’s a good rule of thumb to ask for clarification.

Don’t assume because you end up risking being wrong and creating misunderstandings.

If you aren’t careful, some assumptions can lead to disastrous misunderstandings and results.

This is why nurses call physicians or pharmacists when they’re not sure about a patient’s medications, ask for clarification, and then repeat it back. It’s to make sure that there is no misunderstanding with the patient’s medication in order to avoid severe consequences.

There are ways to help prevent misunderstandings or reduce the breakdown in your personal communication so that you can have happy and harmonious relationships when you communicate.

Just do the following:

Deliver your message in a quiet environment if possible and make sure you have the person’s attention when you deliver your message.

Be patient when listening to a foreign-born speaker with a heavy accent or someone with a heavy dialect. Slow down your rate of speech and kindly ask the person with the heavy accent to slow down rate of speech as well.

Don’t make assumptions. If you’re not sure, ask for clarification.

Misunderstandings may still occur, but at least you know some ways to maneuver around it if it happened.

It’s about doing your best to reduce the misunderstandings from occurring in your communication using the tools that you have been given.

Sometimes one of the best things you can do if misunderstanding did occur is to laugh it off when appropriate, or let it go. Avoid overthinking about it or being overly serious.

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you’re aware that misunderstandings can happen.

There are times that you might be able to avoid misunderstandings or gracefully maneuver around them.

If you managed to avoid or maneuver around misunderstandings so that you were able to continue to have constructive communication…That’s a win!

If you couldn’t avoid misunderstandings or repair a communication breakdown that occurred due to misunderstandings, that’s okay. Guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be:
-What can you do differently next time to avoid misunderstanding?
–Why do you think the misunderstanding occurred in the first place?
–What can you do better next time?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into the authenticity of the character you want to portray and hold yourself accountable to when misunderstanding occurs.

This is the Communication Warrior.

You know your way to repair misunderstandings… Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

If you’re an introverted, sensitive, conflict-phobic person who would love to become and feel like a communication warrior then click below to book your free Communication Breakthrough Session where we will discover 5 obstacles that is stopping your from becoming a communication warrior.

Book Your Session

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Coach & Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Movement AKA Body Language)

If you’re a sensitive introvert and conflict-phobic person you might be more aware and pay attention to details such to body language more than a person who is not sensitive, conflict-phobic and an extrovert.

With the communicates game, you are likely to notice the different facial and body movements of the people you’re playing the communicates game with because you’re using the facial and body movement to gage how the people in the group are feeling and if their body language aligned with what they were saying.

You would have noticed if they were having fun or if they were bored by their body language and facial expressions.

No one wants to be bored including you, and if everyone talked and acted stiff as a board, how boring would that be?

Let’s talk about facial and body movements or better known as body language, and see how people might be giving away how they are actually feeling and how you can use body language to communicate confidence if you’re feeling otherwise.

Your facial and body language may give away your secret or your actual feelings about a person or situation that you may be feeling on a subconscious level.

Sometimes your spoken words don’t match with your body language.

There are times that you might communicate what you actually feel about a person or situation, and you want that person to know so you can let your body language do the communicating for you.

There are maaaannnny facial and body movements so if I went through each and every one of them you’ll be reading this for unlimited hours.

In this blog, only a few body language items will be discussed to get you started and learn how your body language can help or hinder you to creating a happy and harmonious relationship in your personal communication.

First one of course is body posture.

 

 

How many times have you been told to stand up straight?

By standing up straight you automatically look like a confident person versus someone who is hunched over.

Strike a power pose and you look like one of the confident superheroes that you admired as a kid.

So why not admire yourself and strike a power pose?

On the flip side some people can take the power pose too far and end up taking up other people’s personal space because he or she admires him or herself so much that he or she don’t care or don’t see the other people in the room.

You might be that person and that’s okay if that is who you want to be.

If your body posture is hunched, you’re communicating either trying to blend in the background and not stand out or you have a bad back.

If you like to fidget such as fidget with your fingers, hair, or anything you can touch then you’re likely communicating that you’re feeling nervous, anxious, bored, or timid in the communication.

Let’s not forget about the eyes.

If you are able to make appropriate eye contact with the other person you’re speaking with then you’re likely communicating that your feeling confident.

If you avoid making any eye contact, then you’re likely either a shy communicator or someone who dislikes communicating.

Or how about the person who makes extreme eye contact as if staring that person down?

Has that ever happened to you?

Lastly, smile.

A smile can naturally brighten a room, brighten your face, and automatically makes you look like a confident and friendly person.

Would you feel more comfortable talking to a person with a smile on his or her face or a person with a frown or no smile at all?

If you chose the person with a smile, why wouldn’t it be the same way with other people you communicate with.

There isn’t necessary a right or wrong way for body language.

It’s about making others feel comfortable and sometimes your body language can make others feel uncomfortable such as lack of eye contact, too much of eye contact (staring), taking up personal space, and so forth.

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you’re aware of your body language and understand other people’s body language.

If you’re comfortable with your body language and feel that you know how you use your body language in your communication. That’s a win!

If you’re not comfortable with your body language or don’t feel you know how to appropriately use your body language in your communication, guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be what are your fears? Why do have these fears? What went well and want to keep? What didn’t go well that you want to change? What can you do better next time?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into your authenticity of the character you want to portray when you use the body language that communicate what you wanted and intended in your communication.

This is the Communication Warrior.

 

You know your way of body language…Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

If you’re an introverted, sensitive, conflict-phobic person who would love to become and feel like a communication warrior then click below to book your free Communication Breakthrough Session where we will discover 5 obstacles that is stopping your from becoming a communication warrior.

Book Your Session

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

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