Do certain noises or sounds make you happy while other noises or sounds can annoy you?
What do you feel when you hear an ice cream van? Happy or perhaps nostalgic.
What about a siren? Most likely annoyed by the loud sound of a siren.
Your tone of voice can be the same way.
Some tones of voice may make you feel happy and supported while other tones of voice may negatively trigger you.
Have you ever heard someone say to you, you better watch your tone of voice or don’t give me that tone of voice?
Or perhaps you have said those exact statements to your partner.
Because the tone of voice somehow triggered you.
Perhaps your partner said something to you in passing and because of his or her tone of voice, you picked it up wrong and say something like, what’s wrong with you, why you’re using that tone of voice with me?
Or what’s with that tone of voice you just used?
Your partner might not have meant anything by it, but because of his or her tone of voice, it just set something off in you like a firecracker or vice versa.
Tone of voice can be subjective, and the tone might sound one way to one person it can sound completely different to another person.
For example, a happy uplifting tone can sound like you’re being cheered on by one person where to another person it might sound as if he or she is being mocked.
Mocked for not being able to do something, the uplifting tone is just to rubbing it in that he or she can’t do it, and it’s a fake cheer rather than an actual genuine cheer or support.
To the person who feels he or she is being mocked the person with the happy and uplifting tone is actually being sincere; however, his or her tone of voice is picked up wrong by the person feeling mocked.
Some people are sensitive to the tone of voice.
He or she is sensitive to how the tone of voice sounds because he or she is sensing the person’s mood and the true feeling behind the statement that delivered.
Some people are not bothered by an aggressive tone or sarcastic tone, and others can be.
If you’re a sensitive, introverted, and conflict-phobic person, then some tone of voice may bother you or you may be more sensitive to some tones of voice than others such as you might be more sensitive and bothered by an aggressive tone versus calming tone.
For some people a calming tone may sound like the person is bored or don’t have any emotions.
Everyone might agree with what an aggressive tone may sound like, a happy tone, a sad tone, or calming tone, etc.
However, not everyone is going to agree that that’s the tone that the person used and not everyone is going to be comfortable or be accepting of a tone of voice that was used.
Knowing what tone of voice, you’re comfortable with and the ones that trigger you the wrong way will help you to communicate to your partner which tones of voice to use more often when communicating with you so that you feel supported by your partner rather than leaving you feeling lonely and misunderstood.
Also, knowing the tone of voice that you use that uplifts or triggers your partner will help you to use more of the tone of voice that uplifts rather than triggers your partner so that you can have a happy and harmonious relationship.
Tone of voice is subjective. You might be okay with some tones of voice and other tones of voice might trigger you and the same can be said for your partner.
It’s about being aware of your tone of voice and knowing which tones of voice uplifts you and which one triggers you as well as knowing which one uplifts and triggers your partner.
Using the tone of voice that uplifts and supports you and your partner when communicating so that you and your partner both feel supported when communicating with each other for a better and deeper personal relationship.
The Objective of the Game
The ‘winning’ objective is that you’re aware that tone of voice can be subjective.
Knowing and using the tone of voice that uplifts you and your partner when communicating to form a better connection.
Avoid using the tone of voice that triggers you and your partner.
If you managed to use the tone of voice that uplifts you and your partner to form a closer connection…That’s a win!
If you and your partner sometimes used the tone of voice that triggered rather than uplifted each other in your communication, that’s okay. Guess what?
You learned without losing.
Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.
Learning points in this example might be what can you do differently next time to use the tone of voice that will uplift or show support for your partner? Why do you think the tone of voice you used or your partner used triggered you or your partner? What can you do better next time?
You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into your authenticity of the character you want to portray and hold yourself accountable with the tone of voice you used in your communication.
This is the Communication Warrior.
You know your way to your tone of voice… Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!
If you’re an introverted, sensitive, conflict-phobic person who would love to become and feel like a communication warrior then click below to book your free Communication Breakthrough Session where we will discover 5 obstacles that is stopping your from becoming a communication warrior.
Grace CW Liu
Communication Coach & Navigator