Find Your Unique Communication Style

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Awareness of Words and Actions)

Sometimes you can become upset, even overwhelmingly so, that you might not be aware of your actions.

You might not even be aware of the words that are coming out of your mouth.

You know you’re angry and upset, and your expression shows it.

How aware are you of what you’re saying and acting during the moment of anger?

Do you later regret your actions and what’ve you said during the heat of the moment?

Do you wonder what you did or said while you were upset?

You might’ve felt like it was an out of body experience and something, maybe some kind of energy took over you, and you felt like you had no control over your mind and body.

You just acted out and said what you said because you were just that angry and you just let whatever came to your brain fly out.

What if you stopped for a moment and took a good look at your actions and words as if you were an outsider observing your situation?

If you were the observer, what would you think or say about the situation you just observed of someone yelling, hitting, swearing, etc. during the heat of the moment?

Would it scare you or would you think “if it was me, I would do xyz?”

It’s easy to say what you would do differently when you’re calm and not in that moment. But what if you were in that moment?

Could you stop yourself and take a pause so that you didn’t continue the destructive path?

Could you say to yourself, “no, enough of this, we can disagree and have a constructive conversation through our disagreement?”

What would a constructive conversation during a heated disagreement look like?

How could you have that constructive conversation during a dispute when you’re upset and angry?

Afterall, this is real life and you’re not on some tv show where the scripts are written out and you memorize the lines during an argument.

There are, however, some things you can do.

Yes, I’m well aware of what I’m going to share with you will sound easy. But it may feel hard to do especially when you’re upset and angry.

It’s easy to give advice, and to follow suggestions when you’re calm and not involved in the moment.

This is where awareness becomes important. When you’re aware you can take control of the situation before the situation takes control of you.

The first thing is to be aware of your mind and body. Be aware of your thoughts and how your body is feeling.

Be aware of when you know you’re going to explode and stop yourself by taking a deep breath.

Now take a few more deep breaths.

This is the challenging part; however, remember that you’re in control.

While the other person might be speaking or yelling, restrain yourself from reacting, and continue to take deep breaths until you’re in enough control to address the situation.

Actively notice what you’re noticing, be aware of your surroundings, and the feelings in your body.

The next tricky part: you’re not going to react, you’re going to respond by being mindful of the words that you say.

The words are deliberate and you know exactly what you’re saying with conscious thought.

You’re no longer saying the first thing that comes out of your brain.

You’re being mindful of exactly what you’re saying to express your feelings, and you have the awareness of the way you’re delivering the message with the use of your body language, facial expression, and tone of voice.

You’re in control of the situation through the awareness of the words you’re saying and how you’re saying it with the use of your body language, facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice during the argument.

When the situation or argument is controlling you, you lose your awareness, and that is when you say whatever comes out of your mouth, and act and behave whatever reflexively comes to you.

 

 

Do you want to be in control, or do you want the situation and argument to control you?

 

The take away here is to be aware of your words and actions so that you’re in control of the situation or argument and not the other way around.

I’m not going to say that it is easy to do; however, it can be done with practice.

Practice being mindful of your words and actions during any conversation whether it be while you’re calm or in an argument with your partner is the start to awareness.

The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you’re aware of your words and actions especially during the heat of an argument.

There are times where the situation or argument might get the best of you; however, were able to stop it or reduce the destructive conversation?

If you managed to control the situation and argument through awareness of your words and actions… That’s a win!

If you allowed moments of the situation or argument getting the best of you, and controlled you rather than you controlling it, then guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be:

  • What can you do differently next time so that you can control the situation or argument through awareness?
  • Why did you lose control of your words or anger in the first place?
  • What can you do better so that you’re more aware of your words and actions during an argument next time?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into your authenticity of the character you want to portray and hold yourself accountable when you want to be in control of the situation or argument and not the other way around.

This is the Communication Warrior.

 

You know your way to becoming aware of your words and actions… Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

If you’re an introverted, sensitive, conflict-phobic person who would love to become and feel like a communication warrior then click below to book your free Communication Breakthrough Session where we will discover 5 obstacles that is stopping your from becoming a communication warrior.

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Coach & Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com

Body Language | The COMMUNICATES Game

If you’re an introvert, sensitive, conflict phobic person who would love to be able to communicate your thoughts, feelings and desires without the feeling of being overlooked, overshadowed and overwhelmed, stay tuned for fun and valuable information.

Hi, I’m Grace, and welcome to The Communicates Warrior Game video series, or what I like to call The COMMUNICATES Game. If you missed the previous videos that I have done for this video series, that’s okay, stay here for now. And you can always catch up with the previous videos later.

So today’s video, we’re going to talk about body language and facial expressions. So we’re going to do so by using the four characters that we have been discussing so far.

All right, so we have our first character Stance. And remember, Stance is our confident communicator. So let’s introduce Stance. All right, so here is Stance. And, as you can see, Stance is standing up nice and tall, shoulders back, back straight. And it’s also doing a power pose. Why? Because when you’re confident, you might feel like you’re a superhero. And what do superheroes like to do? They like to stand in their power pose! Yes, they like to feel that extra power, that confidence that they have in helping people, right? So you might be like Stance, the confident communicator, where you are standing nice and tall and straight. And you feel like that superhero because you’re helping and empowering people in your own way, whatever it is that you do. Now, as you can also see, Stance has a smile on the face. And why does Stance have smile on his or her face, because Stance is a type of person that is happy, passionate and enthusiastic about what he or she is sharing. And when you have that passion and enthusiasm, what are you going to do, you’re going to smile naturally, right? So when Stance makes eye contact, it’s going to make the person feel inclusive, and perhaps you’re like Stance, the confident communicator so that when you make eye contact with that person that you’re speaking with, or the group that you’re talking to, you’re going to make them feel inclusive. So you’re going to make the appropriate eye contact, just the right amount of eye contact, so that the person knows that they are included into your conversation. And you are engaging them in the topic that you’re discussing, because you want them to also feel the passion and the enthusiasm of the topic that you’re discussing, or you want them to feel inclusive, in the discussion. So you’re going to help the person or the group that you’re speaking to, to feel inclusive by making the appropriate eye contact, as well as having a smile on your face, standing up nice and tall and believing when you’re speaking about so that the people can also feel the same passion and also feel they are part of the discussion. And everyone is included. Right? Everyone’s included in the discussion. No one is left out and everyone feels empowered in the topic. All right. So that is Stance.

All right now we have Brash, Brash is our arrogant communicator. So as you can see, Brash also has the big positive posture, right, the shoulders back standing up straight, great posture. However, Brash is not afraid to take up space, and perhaps Brash is also going to take up your personal space. Why? Because again, Brash is interested in making him or herself look great and stand out in the crowd. Brash is also going to be the type of person who makes eye contact with you. But it almost feels like it’s a stare or a dare. Right? When Brash, makes eye contact. It’s more like Oh, who is going to be the better person that comes out of this? So it’s almost like a dare As in, I dare you to be the best or I dare you to be, like better than me where it’s almost feeling like who is going to show up as the best person. So, perhaps, sometimes it is necessary to be like, Brash, right? You know, like I say, there’s no good or bad characters, all characters are necessary. And sometimes because of the hard work you have put in, and you know, all the things that you have done. And you would like to have that recognition. And nobody in– perhaps is recognizing, so what do you have to do, right? You– you want to show up. And so, you know, perhaps, you know, you do show up as like Stance, but nobody stills paying attention. So now you’re going to show up as Brash, be bigger than you know the person or be bigger as or as big as you can be? Right? So that you’re taking up space, and so that people are now noticing you noticing your accomplishments, noticing all the work that you’ve done, so that you can finally be recognized for the hard work that you have put in. And so, you know, sometimes it’s necessary to be like, Brash, and sometimes you might encounter someone who’s like, Brash. And so sometimes you might be in a situation where you are in the presence of someone who is like, Brash, and perhaps wants to be the type of person that wants to be the best to stand out. And then it’s up to you to decide or to choose whether or not you’re going to outshine Brash in by being Brash yourself, or if you’re going to step back a bit and be a different character. So, again, Brash is just interested, and looking the best in the group, right? So and by doing that, it’s, you know, perhaps the eye contact might almost be like a dare like, of, you know, I dare you to be better than me, I dare you to, you know, outshine me. And also the body language is, you know, they’re going to stand up tall, and perhaps almost feel like they’re taking up space and taking up your space and taking up everyone’s space. So that again, the only person that is shining and is looking the best right again, is going to be Brash. Alright, so now we’re gonna move on to our next character.

Alright, so our next character is Gray. And again, Gray is our timid communicator. All right, so you can see with Gray, you know, the posture is not so strong, right, it’s the back the shoulders not back, but rather rounded. And you can see that with the timid not only is the shoulder rounded, but in a way timid wants to kind of hide, right again, timid is a type of person that likes to process information doesn’t really want to stand out. So the postures in a way, kind of in a shrinking pose, so that again, Gray doesn’t stand out and blends in the background, right. So kind of goes in the background in order to be able to process the information that he or she is listening rather than stepping forward right away so Gray doesn’t necessarily want to notice right away because again, he or she would like to listen and process the information and so it’s easier to do that when you’re in the background. So a lot of the times they don’t feel like they want to stand up nice and tall and straight because again, the whole purpose is to blend in the background and in some situations Gray may make eye contact you know and it’s gonna be kind of quick it’s gonna be like a look and look away perhaps Gray might also have a smile but it’s going to be just kind of a very minimal subtle smile not a really big you know, showed the whole teeth kind of smile but just so you know like almost like that Mona Lisa type of smile I like to say just again closed mouth minimal subtle smile and again make try to avoid eye contact Gray may try to avoid eye contact again trying not to draw attention to him or herself or perhaps does make eye contact but again may just cut a eye contact and a quick look away and you know, it might be again with Gray he or she is not wanting to stand out he or she perhaps just want to listen and process what is going on. So Gray might be the shy person. And so in Gray’s mind, like you can see this picture there’s like a lot of question marks and exclamation points because there’s a lot of thoughts that is going in Gray’s mind of you know what the other person might be thinking about and all these other things that’s going on. So again, Gray is just going to do whatever he or she can to not stand out to blend, like I say into the background.

All right, and then we have our character Blend. So Blend is our Shape Shifter communicator. All right, and there’s Blend. So because blend can sense the room can sense the mood of the person or the group that he or she is speaking to or speaking, with, Blend is going to determine which character will be best in that situation is going to be the confident communicator or like Stance or is it going to be better to be like Brash or Gray because depending upon the situation, you know, in a topic, it might be appropriate to one to empower the group, right? So therefore, Blend is then going to be like Stance, or perhaps Blend feels like you know, what I’m doing all this work, I’m not getting recognized, you know, what, I’m going to show up bigger than myself much bigger, and so therefore, it might show up as Brash. And sometimes because Blend might feel like, you know, what, there’s a lot of discussions going on, I have my ideas, but you know, maybe I’m gonna hold off a bit, and I’m just gonna listen and process what some other people are saying first, before I jump in, and then you know, I’ll share so perhaps then, and that case, Blend is going to be like Gray, you know, not stand out kind of be part of the background initially, and then decide perhaps at the right moment, okay, now I’m going to be like Stance, or I’m going to be like, Brash, so with Blend again, blend is a shapeshifter. So depending upon the situation, Blend is going to use the body posture, that’s the most appropriate to the character that he or she wants to represent and the discussion.

And, of course, our goal is this, you as the Communication Warrior, where you are standing up nice and tall smile on your face. And you are communicating your thoughts, feelings and ideas the way you want to using the appropriate body language that you want to represent the message that you are sharing. So whether it be that you want to share your passion and enthusiasm like Stance, so you’re using a posture as the confident communicator, or if you want to be bigger than yourself. So you’re going to show up as Brash, using the posture as such, or you’re going to want to listen and process the information. And so you’re going to use the body posture as Gray in order to do that, or you’re going to be like Blend and be able to sense the room. And so know which character you want to be to represent how you want to show up in your communication. But whichever character you choose, you feel like that Communication Warrior, that you know exactly what body language, what facial expression you want to use, so that your message is loud and clear and understood by others of what you are communicating. So that is the goal, you as the Communication Warrior.

Now if you don’t feel like you are a Communication Warrior just yet. That’s okay. Because I’m going to invite you to book that free communication breakthrough session with me visit my website, GraceSOULutions.com. That’s GraceSOULutions.com to see how you can book a free Communication Breakthrough Session with me, where we will walk through five obstacles that is stopping you from becoming a Communication Warrior, and one step that will guide you to become the Communication Warrior that you would like to be. In the meantime, if you haven’t watched the previous videos, you can go watch them now and in the next video, we’re going to see how each of the four characters Stance, Brash, Gray and Blend deal with misunderstandings when they occur in communication.

So until next time, go and have fun communicating!

Let’s Play COMMUNICATES (Movement AKA Body Language)

If you’re a sensitive introvert and conflict-phobic person you might be more aware and pay attention to details such to body language more than a person who is not sensitive, conflict-phobic and an extrovert.

With the communicates game, you are likely to notice the different facial and body movements of the people you’re playing the communicates game with because you’re using the facial and body movement to gage how the people in the group are feeling and if their body language aligned with what they were saying.

You would have noticed if they were having fun or if they were bored by their body language and facial expressions.

No one wants to be bored including you, and if everyone talked and acted stiff as a board, how boring would that be?

Let’s talk about facial and body movements or better known as body language, and see how people might be giving away how they are actually feeling and how you can use body language to communicate confidence if you’re feeling otherwise.

Your facial and body language may give away your secret or your actual feelings about a person or situation that you may be feeling on a subconscious level.

Sometimes your spoken words don’t match with your body language.

There are times that you might communicate what you actually feel about a person or situation, and you want that person to know so you can let your body language do the communicating for you.

There are maaaannnny facial and body movements so if I went through each and every one of them you’ll be reading this for unlimited hours.

In this blog, only a few body language items will be discussed to get you started and learn how your body language can help or hinder you to creating a happy and harmonious relationship in your personal communication.

First one of course is body posture.

 

 

How many times have you been told to stand up straight?

By standing up straight you automatically look like a confident person versus someone who is hunched over.

Strike a power pose and you look like one of the confident superheroes that you admired as a kid.

So why not admire yourself and strike a power pose?

On the flip side some people can take the power pose too far and end up taking up other people’s personal space because he or she admires him or herself so much that he or she don’t care or don’t see the other people in the room.

You might be that person and that’s okay if that is who you want to be.

If your body posture is hunched, you’re communicating either trying to blend in the background and not stand out or you have a bad back.

If you like to fidget such as fidget with your fingers, hair, or anything you can touch then you’re likely communicating that you’re feeling nervous, anxious, bored, or timid in the communication.

Let’s not forget about the eyes.

If you are able to make appropriate eye contact with the other person you’re speaking with then you’re likely communicating that your feeling confident.

If you avoid making any eye contact, then you’re likely either a shy communicator or someone who dislikes communicating.

Or how about the person who makes extreme eye contact as if staring that person down?

Has that ever happened to you?

Lastly, smile.

A smile can naturally brighten a room, brighten your face, and automatically makes you look like a confident and friendly person.

Would you feel more comfortable talking to a person with a smile on his or her face or a person with a frown or no smile at all?

If you chose the person with a smile, why wouldn’t it be the same way with other people you communicate with.

There isn’t necessary a right or wrong way for body language.

It’s about making others feel comfortable and sometimes your body language can make others feel uncomfortable such as lack of eye contact, too much of eye contact (staring), taking up personal space, and so forth.


The Objective of the Game

The ‘winning’ objective is that you’re aware of your body language and understand other people’s body language.

If you’re comfortable with your body language and feel that you know how you use your body language in your communication. That’s a win!

If you’re not comfortable with your body language or don’t feel you know how to appropriately use your body language in your communication, guess what?

You learned without losing.

Remember there is no losing in this game, only learning.

Learning points in this example might be what are your fears? Why do have these fears? What went well and want to keep? What didn’t go well that you want to change? What can you do better next time?

You earn bonus points when you’re bold and step into your authenticity of the character you want to portray when you use the body language that communicate what you wanted and intended in your communication.

This is the Communication Warrior.

 

You know your way of body language…Now Go Play and Have Fun Communicating!

If you’re an introverted, sensitive, conflict-phobic person who would love to become and feel like a communication warrior then click below to book your free Communication Breakthrough Session where we will discover 5 obstacles that is stopping your from becoming a communication warrior.

Warm regards,

Grace CW Liu
Communication Navigator
W: GraceSOULutions.com