Do you sometimes feel a disconnect with your communication partners creating disharmonious relationships?
When you talk to another person does it sometimes feel like you are speaking another language?
Even though you both are speaking the same literal language, does it feel like you are speaking one language and your listener is speaking in another completely different one?
You think it must be either you or the other person because somehow that person just doesn’t seem to understand what you are talking about and you don’t seem to understand what they’re saying.
Neither of you seem to understand each other and you’re both frustrated by this.
You ponder, “Do communication and relationship really have to take so much effort?”
Well, believe it or not,
I learned something about relationship and communication from my beautiful hula hoop.
With it, I have learned how to form a good relationship and communication.
You’re probably thinking,
“Okay, she must be nuts! How can you possibly learn anything about communication from a hula hoop when a hoop is a thing and not a person?”
So, let me explain.
Whenever a hooper (I define ‘hooper’ as a person who knows how to hula hoop and can do at least a few hooping tricks), no matter how much or how little of an experience they have,
always have new tricks to try and learn.
New tricks can add more fun and flair to the dance routine.
There is a learning curve for every hooper who learns a new trick and it can take time for the hooper to learn and master the trick before it looks effortless.
Whenever I learn a new trick, I always feel a disconnect, a loss of connection and relationship with my hoop because I can’t figure out what I am supposed to do with it.
I have to think about where to place my hands on the hoop, how tight or loose to grasp it, or how I should move my hand and how the hoop should move around my hand or body space, and most important avoid the hoop hitting me on the head!
This is me trying to figure my hoop out and I just can’t figure it out. I’m thinking,
‘Come on work with me here! You and me we’re supposed to be ‘partners’ and work harmoniously together here.’
What I discovered is this…
If my head, body, and spirit space are not in alignment then there is going to be a disconnect.
What do I mean by that?
You see, when I am thinking about something else and I am not paying full attention to how my body is moving in relation to the hoop or where the hoop is in relation to my body movements,
then the hoop is going to either fly away or hit me on the head.
If my spirit is down, my body will either tend to move slower or in lower body posture instead of being uplifted and in high energy when my spirit is high and that can also affect the movement of my hoop. The hoop needs momentum and if I am not moving my body fast enough because my spirit is in low energy, then the hoop is either going to drop or hit me on the head.
When my mind pays full attention to the hoop, what the movement looks like, feels like and my body follows along with my spirit, then the hoop starts to move the way it is supposed to and I begin to learn how to master the trick and I stop getting hit on the head.
This is me loving my hoop! We’re back to being ‘friends’ because I finally learned and mastered the trick so my hoop no longer hits me on the head. Yipppeeee!
Now, you’re probably thinking,
“So, what is the point to this story? I still don’t see the connection of hooping to having good relationship or communication.”
Let’s go back to what I said earlier, about when two people are talking and neither of them understands each other and each feels like they are speaking a different language from the other person…
Why is that?
If you think about it… it’s a similar situation when a hooper is learning a new trick.
When there’s a disconnect to the relationship or to communication, it’s most likely that either one or both people are not fully listening or paying attention to each other.
As one person is talking the other person might be thinking about something else, or wondering how long they have to pretend to be listening, or due to a hard day’s work the energy level is low so their listening ability isn’t fully there. The body might be present, but the mind or spirit is not and that can create a disconnect and communication problems.
How well do you know how that person learns and communicates? Does that person respond better with auditory (hearing), visual (seeing), kinesthetic (touching), or a combination of them?
You can’t communicate by how or what you do. You have to communicate as that person would in order to create more effective communication, therefore creating a more connected relationship.
In order for me to be more effective in mastering my hooping tricks I have also learned which hoops to use.
In other words, I really learned how to use my hoops by knowing and understanding the different hoop sizes and thicknesses.
I have to know how the different hoop sizes and thicknesses can affect my hooping so I can determine which one will be better for me to practice in mastering a particular trick.
So not only do I have to pay attention with my mind, body, and spirit, but I also have to pay attention to the hoop I am using and that will either make it easier or harder for me to master a hoop trick.
The moral of this story is…
Be present with full attention in mind, body and spirit when speaking and listening with another person to create meaningful connection which leads to better communication and relationship.
To create more effective communication learn how others like to communicate. Communicate in their style (not from your own) because the person only understands their own style.
In case you are wondering, yes, I still get hit on the head with my hoop whenever I learn new tricks. I have learned that the way my hoop communicates with me is to remind me to stay in the present moment and to stay focused to the hoop with my mind, body and spirit. I don’t get hit on the head as often as I did in the beginning, but every now and then when I am not in full focus,
I get not so gentle reminders from my hoop.
(And yes, I own several hoops of different sizes, thickness, and colors.)
What I learned from hooping can be applied to people because whenever you are creating communication (whether it be with people or in this case with a hoop,)
you have to learn and know how to communicate with the person or object you are speaking to. Once you do it, it can become effortless which can lead to a more harmonious relationship with people or even hoops.
Remember: Communication and relationships do take work, but once you learn and know how to communicate it can become effortless and can create more harmonious relationships.
Grace CW Liu is an expert Transition Navigator who will help you to navigate through your biggest challenges about yourself when going through your career, relationship, health, or other life transitions.
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