Hi there, this is Grace and welcome to Sensitive Communication Tips.
Before we get into today’s topic, I want to do another quick review of what each of the letter stands for in the word COMMUNICATES that we have discussed so far in the videos. So the letter C in the word communicates stands for Confidence. The letter O stands for Opinion, the letter M stands for Messages, the letter M stands for Monitor feelings, the letter U stands for Uncovering misunderstandings, the letter N stands for Nurture feelings, the letter I stands for Ideas, the letter C stands for Cherish relationships, and then the letter A, which is what we’re gonna be talking about is Attention.
So let me ask you this, how many of you that are watching this video, have a habit of either giving the directions or asking a question, while the person you are speaking to is doing something else? And that could be watching TV, doing chores, getting ready to do cooking or getting ready for work or getting ready to do whatever it is to prepare for that day’s activity, or the next day’s activity, or you guys are in two separate rooms in the house. So you could be in the kitchen, the other person could be, say, in the bedroom, or you could be upstairs and the other person is downstairs.
Whatever it is, how many of you have actually talked to somebody asking them a question or giving them some directions while that person is not fully engaged? In other words, you really don’t have that person’s attention. Because if you had that person’s attention, that means that they’re looking at you, they’re focused on you and what you are saying to them or asking them.
So, if you have the habit, and many of us do, including me, we sometimes forget and we are just engrossed, in what we need to do. And so we might give the directions, or we might ask a question to that person without fully having that person’s attention. And then later on, when we ask them, did you do this or you get a response that doesn’t relate to your question, then we become upset at that person, when in reality, it really isn’t that other person’s fault, because we never had their attention.
So if you want to make sure that you have that person’s attention, then either one, wait until that person was finish watching their TV or whatever they are doing. Because a lot of the times when you’re telling them something like please remember to do X,Y and Z. So just take out the chicken out of the freezer. Or remember to pick up the groceries, whatever the items might be. And the person because they’re so engrossed in their program or engrossed in their activity. They just want to kind of get rid of you as soon as possible. So they’re like kind of waving you off going, “yeah,yeah, I got it, I got it, okay!” You know, so that they can kind of go back to their program. And so a little later on, you come home, like say, you know, a few hours later, and you see that the chicken is still in the freezer. And you ask them, “Didn’t I tell you to take the chicken out of the freezer?” And they might give you a look like, “Oh, I heard something about that, but I wasn’t really paying attention.” And, um, or they might say, “No, I didn’t hear you say anything about that.” And it’s like, yeah, I told you and– and they’re like, “Well, I didn’t hear you.” And it’s true, like, they probably didn’t, because again, they were engrossed in their own program.
So yes, communication, not only just words and body language and all of that. Part of good communication, having effective communication, is also making sure that you have that person’s attention. And you can do that by either turning off the TV, or muting the TV sound, so that way you can call their name, then you now have their attention. And, and you can now say to them, I need you to do this or ask them the question. So you get the correct response that you’re looking for.
If you’re in separate rooms or are upstairs, downstairs, whatever it is, either walk to that person, or call that person so that they are coming towards where you are located, so that you can properly discuss with them what it is that you need. The other is, so perhaps during the morning rush, you’re getting yourself ready or the kids ready. Everybody’s just getting themselves ready in the morning. And so you might have been on the past by saying “Oh, don’t forget to do X,Y and Z.” And the person is like, “okay,” and then grabs their keys and out the door they go.
So one of the things that you can do is before you let that person grab their keys and go, just say, “repeat back what I just said.” So one, you can get a quick clarity that they actually heard. And when you also get the repeat back, you also can make sure that they got not only the clarity, but everything that you had mentioned, or they can paraphrase. So at least this way, it not only gives you a peace of mind that yes, they got your message, but it also reinforces what the person has to do. Because now they got the focus back again, because they got clear. And they also know– it also reinforces that memory of what they need to do. So during a morning rush, it’s always good, just not to let the person leave, just say “Hey, real quick, tell me real quick, what I just said,” you know, and “I don’t have time,” “just real quick,” you know, a word or two, whatever it is, like, you know, “you said pick up dry cleaning to that person, don’t forget to pick up the dry cleaning” all the person says “Okay, pick up dry cleaning,” or they could just say “dry cleaners.” Sufficient. You know that you need to do something with a dry cleaner, something of that sort. So again, one, they are clear, you heard, you know, they heard you clearly, as well as reinforcing some of their memory of what they need to do after work or whatever it is, because now it brought back the focus, and helps them to remember what it is that needs to be done.
So that is one of the tips for Attention as far as during the morning rush. Clarity, and repeat or paraphrase. Now I– the tips for Attention itself is making sure that you Mute the TV or turn off the TV and the person is watching TV. So you’re limiting distractions that could be the radio, whatever it is that you’re calling that person’s name, they’re looking at you, you got their focus. The other is making sure you guys are in the Same Room. So either you go to them, you call them so that you bring them to you. So you guys are located in the same room, so you got the attention. So because if you don’t have their attention, there’s not going to be communication, you’re going to have what we call then the communication breakdown. Because you don’t have that person’s attention. And communication starts, especially when speaking to another person or to a group, you need to have that person or the group’s attention and their focus.
So, I hope you found these tips to be helpful. Feel free to share any comments. And again, if I only ask that if you do share any comments or suggestions that you’d be kind, supportive, and respectful. If you would like to learn more about how you can create and develop more of an effective and effortless communication in your own personal communication relationship, please feel free to visit my website at GraceSOULutions.com That’s GraceSOULutions.com to see how you can book a free Communication Breakthrough session with me. Thank you for being here. I look forward to seeing you here again next time.
Take care, bye for now.