Hi there, Grace here. Welcome to Sensitive Communication Tips.
So in the previous video, I talked about hidden messages. So in this video, I want to do more of a deep dive of hidden messages. Now in the previous video, I talked about some tips to kind of help you to navigate with people who might use hidden messages when they communicate, such as what is the rationale for the question or the statement that is being used? What is their eye contact/body language? How has it changed, when they’re being more direct versus when there’s a hidden message to it, and the tone of voice. How has the tone of voice changed from being direct to more of that hidden message? And as always, the easiest way to navigate with the hidden message is to Keep It Short and Simple (KISS).
So I’d like to use myself as an example, about how to navigate hidden messages. So like I told you, in a previous video, I grew up in a Chinese family, I’m Chinese. So we tend to use a lot of hidden messages when communicating.
My husband is from Scotland, he Scottish. And when his family communicates, they’re very direct, they don’t have any hidden messages. What they say what they ask is exactly that meeting. So when my husband and I got married, at that time, we were living in Scotland, I had the opportunity to work in Scotland. So that’s how I met my husband. And I lived there for a couple of years. And so during that time, I visited my family, here in the US and also in Canada.
So during one of our visits my aunt had asked my husband, would you ever consider moving to– to the US? And beforehand, I had already forewarned my husband that when he answers any questions or make– pick or make any statement with my family, he really needs to think about it. Because what he says, the family is going to decode his meaning. So I have had a feeling that my family would ask the question about if my husband would ever consider moving to the US. Because in my culture, you know, it’s not so much expected. But you know, it is being taught from generation to generation, you know, to take care of your elderly, right? And so, my parents, my aunts, and uncles, they took care of their parents. And so, you know, and I think that’s wonderful. So I, of course, would like to do the same with my parents. So at that time, my husband and I, we had just gotten married, and we were visiting my family, like I said, and my aunt had asked a question.
Now my aunt wasn’t just asking a question, like, “Would you ever consider moving to US?” What she was actually asking was, “would you consider, you know, moving to the, to the US, because, you know, you will need to help Grace and taking care of Grace’s parents,” because I’m an only child. So I don’t have any siblings. So the question was asked by my aunt, if my husband would consider moving to the US, but the underlying message was, would you be willing to help Grace take care of her parents? So, you know, my husband, because I had prepped him for this, he gave the response short and simple. “Um, you know, of course, any move is big, but of course, you know, we would discuss it, we will consider it and if need be, we will plan it. And then, you know, together we will make that decision when the time comes.”
So the underlining message then to my aunt is, you know, yes, it’s a big move, but, you know, when the time comes, we would definitely look at it and if maybe, yes, you know, I will be willing to come to the US to help Grace and take care of Grace’s parents with her. So, you know, where, when my in-laws, when my husband’s parents, you know, had asked, you know,
would you consider just, you know, ever staying here in Scotland? They were actually just asking, you know, how do I let you know, how do I like Scotland, you know, and how well am I adapting, you know, and type of thing. There was no other hidden message in there like to say, Well, would you consider this or anything? They were just asking like, how was I adapting? How are you adapting to Scotland? Very simple, because I’m not from there, you know, there might be some differences, and how was I getting along with it? So, it was a very direct question. And so there was no hidden meaning behind it. It was just what was asked was how it was asked, if that makes sense. So where my family, when they ask you a question that is not that meaning of that question. There’s a hidden message to those questions. And also, if any statement that is being made, it’s not the statement, there’s a hidden message in that statement.
So if you think that, you know, this style of communication is complicated, exhausting, you’re correct, it can be. But again, you know, everybody has a different communication styles, and, you know, it’s just part of life. And so, you get used to it, and then you kind of decide, well, there are some ways you can also maybe have some fun with it.
So anyway, um, hopefully, by hearing some of these examples, or hearing this example that I just shared today will help you to at least understand the hidden messages and hopefully also understand, you know, how you can navigate through hidden messages in the comm– in the communication in the conversation. So again, I hope you found this to be helpful, and if you did, please visit my website GraceSOULutions.com that’s gracesoulutions.com to learn more about me, and how I can help you to develop more effective and effortless communication.
If you are a sensitive, introverted conflict phobic woman who would like to be able to share your thoughts, feelings and desires so that you are seen, heard and recognized. Again, visit my website to see how you can book a FREE communication breakthrough session with me.
If you are driven to communicate with confidence, have your messages, be heard and understood, and repair any communication breakdown in your personal communication relationship, then Contact me here and I’ll get you started on the right path.
Grace CW Liu
Grace CW Liu believes there is a solution to every problem including communication and conversation problems. Everyone can find the solution they seek by using the guidance of grace that is in you, with the grace of spiritual support, and Grace –me– as your Communication Navigator and support system.
My passion is to help sensitive, conflict-phobic, and introverted women have effective communication so they feel valued and heard in any conversation.
Through studying and observations, I’ve realized why communication breakdown occurs and the solutions to solving those problems. I’ve presented these solutions so that communicative partners can achieve effective communication!